What Living Independently Means On The Spectrum

A lot of parents worry about what the future holds for their aspie children, and some people work pretty hard to convince them that their children will never be able to exist outside of an assisted living situation.  It seems like the word independent is getting confused with alone and isolated.  I’ll be the first to admit that no aspie can thrive totally cut off from the world, never seeing anyone face-to-face or having reliable contact with people.  That’s alone.

But it’s not so uncommon and actually pretty reasonable for many adults with Aspergers to live independently in dorms, with roommates, or with a significant other/spouse.  These peers aren’t taking care of the aspie, but the regular social contact helps maintain socialization as well as routines. We have a tendency to get so absorbed in an interest that we let everything else go, which makes it helpful to have a peer around to break our concentration.

Can’t They Just Live With Their Parents?

It’s hard for parents to step back from the role of caregiver and force their child to prepare their own meals and clean up.  Also, the child ends up seeing the interaction as nagging or babying and not socialization, so they’re not as likely to take responsibility for themselves or experience as much self-growth.

Then again, it’s becoming pretty common for young adults to live at home.  If this is the choice that you all agree on (please include your child’s opinion!), it would be helpful for you to give your child more responsibility and personal space.  You don’t have to provide a ride everywhere!  It might just be time for your son to learn how to get around on his own, even if it involves taking the bus instead of being chauffered around.  Easy?  No.  There may be meltdowns, but that’s how we learn.

Is It Ever Possible To Live Without Roommates?

For someone who has a stable job that keeps them on a regular schedule, living without roommates might be an option.  The odds of it working out are better if there is close contact with parents and/or reliable friends.  It also helps to get to know the neighbors in case of an emergency.  I’d only recommend it, though, for someone who has a very developed sense of routine and knows how to reach out to a close social circle.  Once any part of this starts to unravel (job, friends, family), the aspie who lives alone could be more at risk so it’s important for routines and contacts to be maintained.