When faced with a setback or insult, many children and adults on the spectrum tend to have a stronger emotional response than the situation calls for. No matter how hard we try, we get an unpredictable response from other people. It’s upsetting to try so hard and get so little out of it! The natural response is to take it personally.
Something just didn’t seem right about this to me, because I didn’t see other (non-aspie) people feeling this way. So it was really refreshing to read this article from Michael John Carley called Learning the Power of Saying “So What” (PDF).
I like the idea of saying “so what” once a day. If someone else doesn’t care that you’re trying as hard as you can to do the right thing, don’t get mad – say “so what?” and move on!
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7 Responses
That’s a great article. I have to re-read it to even have a more thoughtful comment, I’m, like, “Uhhhh… yeah. Agree with him.” I have a terrible fear of failure and need to say “so what” more often, and my son could certainly stand to learn it as a technique.
janny226’s last blog post..Twin Day Success
Hi, Aspieteach,
This is a great article.
I’ve done something a little different, but I think very similar and really related, for years. I’ve practiced physical relaxation. When you think about this, I think it’s very similar to saying “So what”.
I think if I had to give up every single coping skill I’ve every learned in all my years of training, therapy, counselling – you name it – and I could keep one and only one skill, I think it would be the art of physical relaxation.
At first it was hard. Now, I find myself doing it probably once every minute or so. It’s almost like medication without the drugs or side effects. And, I find it helps me calm down and cope much more effectively in a much wider range of situations I find myself in.
It’s also good for making me feel relaxed and happy!
Thanks for this blog post, and for the link to this great article by Gerry Newport.
Chris (cmaspt on Twitter)
I’ve had a few opportunities to try this strategy out since posting it. If you’re someone who has a hard time connecting the words “so what” with the emotional release, you might find meditation helpful because it helps you focus your energy on “letting it go”.
Hi, AspieTeacher,
I’m guessing that your name is Sandy?
I’m really glad that you’re finding this helpful, and I’m really glad you’re suggesting alternatives that are similar and also helpful.
Regardless of whether you call it “So what”, physical relaxation, meditation, or self-hypnosis (which I’ve heard helps other aspies), I think that anything that calms us down (and I think all of these things can) will help us a tremendous amount.
They won’t make our stressful situations go away. But they very definitely will help us to cope with them more effectively.
Thanks for mentioning this.
Chris (cmaspt on Twitter)
I’ve thought of “so what” several times since your post. It’s been helpful in calming myself.
janny226’s last blog post..Twin Day Success
I used to let little thing spin out of control…and I still have some moments, but nothing to the degree I used to… My phrase to myself is “Life is too short.” It is important to pick what is important to spend our energy on.
RtPt’s last blog post..RtPt: An important person died unlike the other two the other day…
I was referred to this post from a fellow twitter user through FB as I had a hard time today on twitter and taking a break from the site. Please keep in touch as I want to hear of your community outreach plans since Lori (hollyrod4kids) and I want to do something similar in Los Angeles.