Looking back, my parents were great. I was clearly a quirky child, but they never once made me feel broken in any way.

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Sisters of mercy
The cruxshadows
Assemblage 23
In strict confidence
The dreamside
Bauhaus
Etc… you can probably guess the genre by now.

As a child with physical disabilities, I was raised not having any special treatment due to them. In fact, when I was older (middle school), I learned to tell the teacher at the beginning of the year that my records said I had to sit in a certain place (due to hearing impairments). It was a lie, because that information was never recorded. I heard it in the doctor’s office as a recommendation that was never forwarded to my teachers. When I broke my glasses, my mother sent me to school anyway, even though I ended up practically covering my nose in chalk dust to read everything on the board without the aid of anyone to read or write things down for me. I was grown before my allergies were addressed, but not before it weakened my immune system, forcing me into early disability. This kind of “school of hard knocks” learning and growing can be very difficult. Not everyone comes out strong. You and I did, but each life is different.

As the mother of an aspie son, I waver between doing too much and pulling back. I want him to be independent and understand the world he is growing up in, but I realize that even NT children suffer from the world’s cruelty and need a network and a safe zone.

Having learned to be strong and independent through the tough love of my parents, I try to at least explain why I wanted him to do things. I try to share my reasoning and my hopes for what he may accomplish. He can openly share and communicate his fears, apprehensions and concerns. He is not penalized for having them. This doesn’t make the job of helping him reach independence easier or faster, just lessens the possibility of stress adding to the mix. Depression is often a co-morbid disorder with HFA.

In some ways, this approach has helped him. In other ways, he is now ineligible for any help because he is “too high-functioning” and has no behavioral or “erratic” behaviors. He seems to reason, even when I know, it is only because it is a carbon copy of what I have said. We receive no help from DDA, and as he approached adulthood, he is about to be cast off without a paddle.

But, as his Mom, I will still be here, guiding his way and nudging him toward complete independence. Independence that may come later than mine or yours, but that will come one day, without so many tears.