Remembering the Big Picture in Conversation

For a long time I had a hard time understanding the phrase “not seeing the forest for the trees”.  What I take from it is that it has something to do with focusing on the details instead of the big picture.

It took me so long to learn that I’ve been doing this in conversation, and I think it’s pretty common with Aspergers.  As a person talked to me, something they said would trigger an association and before I could stop myself I would comment on the association.  Like this:

“We can go see that movie you’ve been wanting to see and then get some ice cream across the street.”

“Eww, why would I want ice cream from there?  That place is disgusting.”

Hopefully I wouldn’t really say it like that.  But do you see what happened there?  The other person’s intention was to invite me out for an activity they thought I would like.  I completely missed it, though, because all I could focus on was the ice cream place – not liking – repulsion association.

A long time later, it would occur to me that I had done this, but by then the other person would already think I was selfish and self-centered when I really didn’t mean anything like that.

It helps me to take more time to process and work things out in my head before I respond to people.  When I can remember, I try to ask myself, “What’s the big picture?  What is this person trying to tell me?”  It takes a lot of practice and I can’t prevent every misunderstanding, but hopefully I’m getting a little better at seeing the forest in addition to the trees.

photo | mkrigsman