By the way, I do have kids – two boys, aged 5 and 3. Both on the autism spectrum. (surprise, surprise) I’ll say this much – whatever idea I had about parenting beforehand never matched reality. But it’s a good reality. Of course, I say it only for myself – I don’t make that choice for anyone else.

I agree that some hardships are necessary evils and that my own hardships have helped me grow and become a better, more empathic, all around groovier person. I just don’t think we really get to pick which hardships we or our (eventual, potential) kids get.

I think I would still want my children to be more typical than not. I mean, more typical than I. I will obviously take great joy and pleasure in whatever I end up, and also just want kids, without needing to cherry-pick for certain characteristics, but I would want to smooth their way in the world in ways in which my way was not smoothed.

Wow, that was convoluted.

Sandy, I took your #1 as a given. I’m sorry if that wasn’t clear.

Your #2 makes the most sense to me. I’m still grappling with why someone who has Asperger’s would chose to mainly define/identify him/herself that way. It just forms such a core of people’s self-identity, in ways that my non-neurotypical quirks don’t. (I know that it’s more than a quirk. I think mine are more quirk-like.)

As far as your #3 goes, I understand being willing to parent a child with Asperger’s. Of course. I have more difficulty with something I have encountered where people might prefer that their children have Asperger’s over being neurotypical. That is what is most perplexing to me. Maybe I’m making the whole thing up, or this is just one person’s outside-the-box opinion and not, uh, a typical attitude.

I never wanted a particular type of child. I just wanted a child.

It’s natural to want your child to have an easier time in the world (than you did, anyway), but I can also see the flip side of it – that there are some very positive things about being an Aspie. I know that world, so I don’t fear it.
I also strongly believe that some hardships are necessary evils. While some things in life were (and are) difficult for me, I believe I’m a better person for it.

So maybe it’s more accurate to say that I am OK with having an a child with special needs. I want others to accept me as I am.. why would I not do the same for my child?

(sorry if that doesn’t make much sense, I just woke up – but that’s my thought process!)

1) Not everyone on the autism spectrum wants to have children, but many do and go on to be loving parents.

2) Often we gravitate to people most like ourselves, and part of wanting children involves wanting to pass on a little bit of who we are.

3) After a lifetime of learning to self-advocate, someone on the spectrum may feel that they are prepared to parent a child with “quirks” (or beyond that, more severe disabilities).

I hope this helps!

Do any/some/most/all Aspies want to have Aspie kids? I guess I am theoretically neuro-typical (as far as anyone is aware), but I have plenty of my own neurological/sensory quirks, and I kind of want to one day have kids who have fewer quirks than I, to make their way in the world somewhat easier than mine has sometimes been. I get the impression that some Aspies don’t feel that way, and I find that perplexing.

Thoughts? Thanks!

These posts *really* hooked me.
http://www.aspieteacher.com/2010/04/when-you-misunderstand/
http://www.aspieteacher.com/2010/03/auditory-processing-creeps/

I cannot even tell you how many times I’ve said one thing, I thought perfectly clearly, and he’s heard and understood another.