Comments on: Saying What’s Right Vs. What’s Important http://www.aspieteacher.com/2009/08/saying-whats-right-vs-whats-important/ Thu, 29 Jul 2010 20:05:39 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Sandy http://www.aspieteacher.com/2009/08/saying-whats-right-vs-whats-important/#comment-397 Sandy Tue, 25 Aug 2009 13:00:46 +0000 http://www.aspieteacher.com/?p=1769#comment-397 That's so mean what the girl was doing to the cab driver...and yet I can see it happening in this area. Isn't it sad how people can be? I try to avoid that Saturday market and find that the Headhouse market on Sunday tends to have a different crowd of farmers. Some of the Lancaster County farmers who may or may not sell at Rittenhouse have farming practices that make my stomach turn. That’s so mean what the girl was doing to the cab driver…and yet I can see it happening in this area. Isn’t it sad how people can be?

I try to avoid that Saturday market and find that the Headhouse market on Sunday tends to have a different crowd of farmers. Some of the Lancaster County farmers who may or may not sell at Rittenhouse have farming practices that make my stomach turn.

]]> By: Sandy http://www.aspieteacher.com/2009/08/saying-whats-right-vs-whats-important/#comment-395 Sandy Tue, 25 Aug 2009 00:07:45 +0000 http://www.aspieteacher.com/?p=1769#comment-395 As soon as I wrote this post, I knew that I hadn't said what I meant to say and felt pretty frustrated about this. What I was trying to point out was that the first two people tend to be pretty polished and chatty and well-liked for saying the "right" things...but I can't seem to make a connection because they make it clear that I'm not a person to them. I guess I'm not NT enough. I can see that people don't like the third person because he doesn't always say what they want to hear, and he has all kinds of awkward movements and timings and words. But I like him because he has no prejudice and actually acknowledges my presence. I don't need perfect words, sometimes I just want to feel like a human. Vic, I'd agree with you...I'm sure I've inadvertently made people felt ignored without meaning to! Realizing how much it hurts and how even an awkward hello can make a person feel good makes me see that I don't have to get it right...what's important is that I make an effort. :) As soon as I wrote this post, I knew that I hadn’t said what I meant to say and felt pretty frustrated about this.

What I was trying to point out was that the first two people tend to be pretty polished and chatty and well-liked for saying the “right” things…but I can’t seem to make a connection because they make it clear that I’m not a person to them. I guess I’m not NT enough.

I can see that people don’t like the third person because he doesn’t always say what they want to hear, and he has all kinds of awkward movements and timings and words. But I like him because he has no prejudice and actually acknowledges my presence. I don’t need perfect words, sometimes I just want to feel like a human.

Vic, I’d agree with you…I’m sure I’ve inadvertently made people felt ignored without meaning to! Realizing how much it hurts and how even an awkward hello can make a person feel good makes me see that I don’t have to get it right…what’s important is that I make an effort. :)

]]> By: Vic http://www.aspieteacher.com/2009/08/saying-whats-right-vs-whats-important/#comment-394 Vic Mon, 24 Aug 2009 23:18:36 +0000 http://www.aspieteacher.com/?p=1769#comment-394 It's interesting that you cite "what's important" to be largely a function of unspoken communication; body language, attitude, vibe. This is the core of what many (but not all) Aspies have the most difficulty with, and also what we misinterpret in others. I wonder if we collectively expect others to be unlike ourselves? A sort-of reversal of the "Aspie radar", if you will. I've behaved like the building guy and the farmer's market lady at various times, without realising it, but I know I'd probably react the same way as you did on the other side of the coin. Hmmm. By the way, this is not intended as a criticism or anything. It's just a thought I was having. :) It’s interesting that you cite “what’s important” to be largely a function of unspoken communication; body language, attitude, vibe. This is the core of what many (but not all) Aspies have the most difficulty with, and also what we misinterpret in others.

I wonder if we collectively expect others to be unlike ourselves? A sort-of reversal of the “Aspie radar”, if you will. I’ve behaved like the building guy and the farmer’s market lady at various times, without realising it, but I know I’d probably react the same way as you did on the other side of the coin. Hmmm.

By the way, this is not intended as a criticism or anything. It’s just a thought I was having. :)

]]> By: Angela http://www.aspieteacher.com/2009/08/saying-whats-right-vs-whats-important/#comment-392 Angela Mon, 24 Aug 2009 19:02:59 +0000 http://www.aspieteacher.com/?p=1769#comment-392 I HATE when people are blatantly rude for no good reason. Often times it's some sort of prejudice unfortunately. Today I saw a girl try to hail a cab and had difficulty-- meanwhile, when a cab pulled up and she saw that the driver was was wearing a turban, she waved the cab away and continued to hail a cab. Finally, out of frustration, since the cab looped around, she hailed it again. It was really really disgusting to watch such behavior! And, I know what you mean at the Farmer's Market. Sometimes it makes me livid. That is why I love love love the goat cheese man at Rittenhouse on Saturday! He always says hello and LOVES talking about what he does no matter who you are! I HATE when people are blatantly rude for no good reason. Often times it’s some sort of prejudice unfortunately. Today I saw a girl try to hail a cab and had difficulty– meanwhile, when a cab pulled up and she saw that the driver was was wearing a turban, she waved the cab away and continued to hail a cab. Finally, out of frustration, since the cab looped around, she hailed it again. It was really really disgusting to watch such behavior! And, I know what you mean at the Farmer’s Market. Sometimes it makes me livid. That is why I love love love the goat cheese man at Rittenhouse on Saturday! He always says hello and LOVES talking about what he does no matter who you are!

]]> By: Sandy http://www.aspieteacher.com/2009/08/saying-whats-right-vs-whats-important/#comment-391 Sandy Sun, 23 Aug 2009 13:03:17 +0000 http://www.aspieteacher.com/?p=1769#comment-391 I haven't seen him around enough people to be able to answer that question completely, but it's happening pretty consistently. He's definitely lied to my face before, not realizing I already knew the truth. People like that are very sneaky and take advantage of the trust they build in you. I haven’t seen him around enough people to be able to answer that question completely, but it’s happening pretty consistently. He’s definitely lied to my face before, not realizing I already knew the truth. People like that are very sneaky and take advantage of the trust they build in you.

]]> By: MegaBrutal http://www.aspieteacher.com/2009/08/saying-whats-right-vs-whats-important/#comment-390 MegaBrutal Sun, 23 Aug 2009 11:33:47 +0000 http://www.aspieteacher.com/?p=1769#comment-390 I don't really get this part: "There’s a guy who works in my building and seemed quite charming at first. He greeted people by name, wore sharp suits, and noticed subtle things like haircuts. Then I noticed after a week or two, every time I said hello he wouldn’t even look up." Do you know a reason, why was he so kind the first time, and then why was so rude? Did this phenomenon depend on time or people? So, was he actually nice to everyone at first, and then as well as rude to everyone; or was he nice to specific people all the time, and only rude to you, and a few other people? Whatever is the case, do you know the reason of his behaviour? I don’t really get this part: “There’s a guy who works in my building and seemed quite charming at first. He greeted people by name, wore sharp suits, and noticed subtle things like haircuts. Then I noticed after a week or two, every time I said hello he wouldn’t even look up.”
Do you know a reason, why was he so kind the first time, and then why was so rude?

Did this phenomenon depend on time or people? So, was he actually nice to everyone at first, and then as well as rude to everyone; or was he nice to specific people all the time, and only rude to you, and a few other people? Whatever is the case, do you know the reason of his behaviour?

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