Subscribe Via RSSWhere Logic and Love Intersect
I’ve been pondering Gavin’s recent post about how autistics approach relationships and reflecting on whether logic and romance can co-exist.
Logic Can Help In Making Decisions
When I was in college I created an elaborate scoring matrix to help me decide who I wanted to date. Or rather, who I wanted to “like”. Each candidate could score a maximum of 4 points in each category, and at the end whoever had the most points won.
I liked making decisions in the most logical way possible, and giving points in a way that I could work with visually made the most sense to me. Another method I liked was making pro/con lists and assigning a weighted score to each factor. Where most people can sense their emotions in an instant, I was trying to identify my emotions in a roundabout way by intellectualizing them.
But Don’t Put A Price On Your Love
If you’ve ever thought about doing this, I’d suggest keeping it to yourself because people are sentimental creatures. It can especially backfire when you use logic and numbers to tell someone what they’re worth to you.
A guy once tried to present me with a spreadsheet of how much a potential relationship would cost. No, wait, it gets better! He then told me that instead of pursuing a Ph.D, I should “stay home with the kids” while he got an MBA because according to him, it made less economic sense for a woman to go to grad school than it did a man.
And that was when I told him sorry, but he must have been counting his chickens because we had no future together.
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4 Responses
It doesn’t surprise me that you intellectualized dating! We do what seems natural to us. I’m thinking of a checkbox system myself… Must rack up a certain # of check marks to date! Ha!
It’s interesting when you think about what your “must meet” criteria are. What I thought were, weren’t!
When I saw the title of this post, I immediately thought of two things:
1. Jane Austin’s Sense and Sensibility
2. Where do Logic and Love intersect? Somewhere in the Australian outback, obviously! hahahaha
In all seriousness, the topic of love is probably the only thing I could never approach with logic. However, my expression of that emotion was often wildly inappropriate. I’d follow my crush around. I’d declare my undying love far too early in the game. I’d cry often and throw dramatic fits. Breakups and rejection were soul-killing. And on top of it all, I’m gay, so there’s that whole different dynamic as well.
I had to LOL at your description of the guy who used a spreadsheet to quantify your relationship! It sounds horrid and naughty, but sometimes I wish I could’ve done that. Might’ve saved me some heartache. (maybe not)
To me, logic has nothing to do with it. I fall in love with faces, that’s always the first thing I look at.