Subscribe Via RSSGetting to Yes With Accommodations
Thinking back over the past year, I’ve had some decent success in getting people to say yes to accommodations for myself and others on the spectrum. This is a huge improvement over the past when all I got was no, no, and nada. Most recently there was the judge who went above and beyond accommodating me on jury duty, and the entire shopping center that learned about autism and made center-wide accommodations.
Here are some tips to help you get to yes:
1. Think about how it could work for both of you.
I’ve found that people usually want to help, and not just because it’s the law. It’s much easier for them to say yes from a business standpoint if it’s mutually beneficial or at least doesn’t impact their business significantly. For example, am I going to ask that a supermarket not allow anyone in the produce section while I shop so I can have silence? Obviously they’d say no. But I could ask when they might be less busy so I could plan to shop at the right time. If someone shopped alone and needed help, they could see if someone from customer service could help out for a few minutes. That’s reasonable.
2. Ask respectfully.
I can’t emphasize this enough! A smile or at least respectful language goes much further than surliness and yelling . (Certainly there are no guarantees, but it’s a start.)
3. Explain your situation and your needs.
A very simple explanation is usually enough, and if the person wants to know more, they’ll ask you questions. Don’t assume they’re doubting you; often they’re just curious. People tell me that they really didn’t know enough about autism, APD, and SPD, and welcome the opportunity to learn more. It’s also amazing how motivated people are to come up with ways to help once you explain your situation to them.
If you find it hard to explain this verbally, you can carry a brief written explanation with you or on your phone.
4. Be prepared to put in some of the work yourself.
Maybe you’ll have to take notes while someone else controls the noise. Or you’ll have to sit outside like I do at Panera. (By the way, sometimes they have a quiet corner tucked away in the back too.) I actually don’t mind sitting outside…I wish more restaurants offered this option!
Remember that people really do want to help. Going in with that attitude helps a million percent!
5 Responses
“people really do want to help”
I believe this, too, Sandy.
Going into a situation ‘loaded for bear’ (as we say here in Texas) or ready to ‘fight’ or expecting a ‘fight’ predisposes a ‘fight’ (self-fulfilling prophecy). Your advice here is spot-on and following your advice portends a good chance of gaining accommodations.
I think these tips are just as useful for parents of Special Needs children, not just for adults. I have yet to not had an accommodation met for the boys when I use those steps. Most other parents doubt me on that.
Luckily, I also have school officials who go above and beyond to help me because of my AS. Pre-meeting meetings so nothing comes as a surprise.
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That sounds like good news! Have you any step-by-step suggestions on how to actually get started, like how you get to a point where you can ask a person who is in a position to do something about it? There are two businesses I would probably patronize more often ( one especially since it’s now the only craft store within 5 miles of my house), if only they didn’t have sound systems that seem to really mess with me in disturbing ways. ( The other one is a restaurant that put the speaker for the background music right over the table I would normally select to *reduce* sensory issues, i.e. the only corner that isn’t a window. Seems like terrible planning to me but I guess many people just don’t think about that.)
Great post, Sandy!
Like you, I’ve had mixed success with asking for “accommodations,” a word I don’t much like. After all, I’ve been “accommodating” myself for 52 years to NT-majority culture, and no one has ever politely asked me to do so. They just assumed I would, but apparently, I am not allowed to make the same assumption.
Anywho…
Successes:
1) Asking the people at the local thrift store to turn off the music when I’m there so I can shop. They do, and it’s heaven! All it took was an email and a short comment about accessibility.
2) Getting a local restaurant to open up a quiet section on weeknights when my husband and I want to go. My husband talked to them, explained my auditory processing difficulties, and got good results.
3) Getting a hotel to turn off the music in the lobby so I could check in and check out without agony. Again, a simple request clearly stated was sufficient.
4) Getting my doctor to use text-to-text communication with me. My husband was my advocate on that. See “Major NOs below.
Major NOs
Two doctors refused to make accommodations for my auditory and communication difficulties, even after I asked very, very nicely. A third doctor’s office refused to see me at all after seeing my medical file. After that, I asked my husband to intercede with a new doctor because I needed to finish crying my eyes out.
I’m sure that asking nicely helps, but it’s not foolproof. And you’re definitely right about not over-explaining. You end up giving a lot of power away when you over-explain to the wrong people. The more I explain unnecessarily, the more it feels like I’m trying to justify myself or ask permission or apologize, and that doesn’t help my case at all.
These are some great tips Sandy. Thanks so much for posting them.
I’m fortunate that my sensory problems are not so great that I am prevented from going to places that I want to because of them. However, I have found that I need to plan my visits to coincide with quiet periods, especially for grocery shopping, because me and crowds are not a good mix.
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