Where Logic and Love Intersect
I’ve been pondering Gavin’s recent post about how autistics approach relationships and reflecting on whether logic and romance can co-exist.
Logic Can Help In Making Decisions
When I was in college I created an elaborate scoring matrix to help me decide who I wanted to date. Or rather, who I wanted to “like”. Each candidate could score a maximum of 4 points in each category, and at the end whoever had the most points won.
I liked making decisions in the most logical way possible, and giving points in a way that I could work with visually made the most sense to me. Another method I liked was making pro/con lists and assigning a weighted score to each factor. Where most people can sense their emotions in an instant, I was trying to identify my emotions in a roundabout way by intellectualizing them.
But Don’t Put A Price On Your Love
If you’ve ever thought about doing this, I’d suggest keeping it to yourself because people are sentimental creatures. It can especially backfire when you use logic and numbers to tell someone what they’re worth to you.
A guy once tried to present me with a spreadsheet of how much a potential relationship would cost. No, wait, it gets better! He then told me that instead of pursuing a Ph.D, I should “stay home with the kids” while he got an MBA because according to him, it made less economic sense for a woman to go to grad school than it did a man.
And that was when I told him sorry, but he must have been counting his chickens because we had no future together.
Soft Giveaway Winners
Congrats to the five winners of the Soft tee giveaway! I used Random.org to pick five winners (after taking out those who were just commenting and not entering)
and came up with:
Jessica!
Erin from M.A.G.! (I am totally going to use your gluten free recipes)
Michael/@thebucknation!
Karianna!
Natasha!
I’m done exclaiming now! I’ll contact the winners about details, but if you entered a pretend email address I need you to contact me.
Holiday Giveaway: Soft Tees!

As this year draws to a close, I’m grateful for all of my readers and the wonderful people I’ve met. Soft Clothing is helping me to offer a holiday giveaway to readers of Aspie Teacher, so five – 5! – readers are going to win a Soft tee.
When I heard about Soft Clothing for All Children, I was intrigued. Jessica Ralli is a former special ed teacher with a great sense of style, and she’s created a line of clothing for those of us with SPD. The flat seams are specially sewn so nothing rubs against your skin, and tags are printed right onto the fabric so you won’t get that scratchy tag bothering you all day.

Jessica was nice enough to send me some shirts to try, and I loved them. The tees so far are sized for children, but the XXL will fit up to a women’s medium. I normally wear a women’s XS and the XXL was a loose fit on me. You can find more details about sizing here.
Upon browsing through the entire line, I can’t wait to order this tie-printed tee – it’s cute for grownups but also a great alternative to formalwear for squirmy little boys!
To enter the giveaway, leave a comment about how sensory challenges affect your life. Entries must be received by Dec 7 at 10 pm EST and 5 winners will be selected at random. Good luck!
How to Shop Without Sensory Overload

Shopping is harsh on the senses, and with the holidays coming up you might be dreading the meltdowns that tend to happen at the mall. Here are some tips to help prevent holiday shopping disaster:
Avoid Crowds
Find out when stores will be less crowded. Stores tend to be empty at the beginning of the week, and you can always ask a salesperson or call ahead.
Shop online. You can scout out the selection before you go, which cuts down on a lot of time and stress. If the shipping and return policies are reasonable (always check first!), you might consider buying online.
Go Easy On the Senses
Choose stores that are well-organized. Department stores and other stores like Bed Bath and Beyond cram as many products as they can into a small space, which results in visual crowding. Not only will you not find what you want, but you’re more likely to have a meltdown from having to do so much extra work.
Take breaks to eat and drink. A hungry shopper is not a happy shopper.
Avoid stores with harsh fragrance, music, or lights. If you know which entrance of a department store the fragrance counters are at, enter and exit through a different door!
Simplify Your Shopping
Try a personal shopper. Some stores offer a free personal shopper service, and rather than being snooty it makes the shopping experience sane. You just let the store know you want to stop by and the shopper will put together a few things for you to try on without you having to search the store. If you explain your sensory needs, they’ll gladly pick out clothing that works for you and show you how to get the most out of your wardrobe.
Get a gift card. When all else fails, get a gift card. You don’t even have to go to the mall anymore; they have a huge selection at the drugstore. It’s worth it not to have a meltdown!
(photo: Christopher Chan)
The Things I Saw As A Teacher: Rex
“Rex Doesn’t Do Any Work!”
Although I taught a mainstream classroom, I had quite a few diagnosed and undiagnosed special ed students thrown into the mix. One of my most memorable students was a third-grader I’ll call Rex, because he had an endearing love of dinosaurs.
My grade partners happened to have taught that class in first and second grade, so they went over my class list with me and gave me the scoop on my kids. “Oh, you have Rex,” they said. “He doesn’t do any work.” They went on to explain that there was something very off about Rex. ADHD, they wondered?
On the first day of school, my students said the same thing to me. “Rex did two assignments last year.” “Rex doesn’t do any work!” And I could see why! He spent all of his time fussing over his pencils, which seemed to break the second he tried to write with them. When I went over to talk to him, he was incredibly busy looking at the wall. So I said “Rex, please look at me.” He did his best, which meant looking in my general direction but off by a few inches. Ah, we were in familiar territory now.
Oh, This Looks Familiar
Over the next few months I found that Rex’s behaviors resembled Aspergers symptoms, but since none of the other teachers understood autism he’d gone all this time without getting any help. He had a tendency to invade others’ personal space during carpet time, so I gave everyone a clearly marked-off square to sit in. When my back was turned, he would pull out a dinosaur or animal book he’d been hoarding, so I got a giant animal encyclopedia and let him read it in a quiet spot when he finished his work. He had a tendency to cram everything into his desk and forget about it, so I had him clean his desk at regular intervals and sat him next to a little girl with an organizing compulsion. I also made him aware of our classroom’s visual schedule, which I caught him looking at every chance he got.
Other teachers told me how amazed they were at his growth in my classroom. Before he came to me, he was the kid who hid under the table and had daily meltdowns. Finally he was able to work on grade level and interact with his peers, even if he was still a bit awkward.
I noticed that Rex had a speech issue that no one had paid much attention to, and begged the speech teacher to see him because it was unfairly bringing down his reading levels. The tests prescribed by the district placed a strong emphasis on fluency, and Rex had a way of speaking that caused him to leave out or whisper certain words.
(After several months of getting stonewalled by the school, the parents finally got an outside diagnosis of Aspergers.)
Schools Should Work With Autism, Not Run From The Dollar Signs
We need more teachers with special needs, because sometimes it takes one to know one. All of this, the way Rex and I just got each other, was because of who I am. The school had special autism classes on the same floor, yet no one noticed Rex. They were content to let him slip through the cracks as just another weird kid who didn’t get it.
This is also why running schools should never be about the bottom line. I wasn’t allowed to talk to Rex’s parents (or anyone’s parents) about the possibility of testing or special needs, so we had to hide and speak in whispers. It was cheaper for the school to say these children were just incapable. What I did is something any parent would hope their child’s teacher would do for them, but should it have to involve putting my job on the line? And would a parent want a teacher not to do it because job security comes first? Think about it.