Subscribe Via RSSThe Things I Saw As A Teacher – Part 1
I’d like to talk about my past life as a classroom teacher. Coming from the rare perspective of being on the spectrum and having been a teacher, I feel like I’ve gained a little insight that might be helpful to some.
Sometimes It’s Not The Teacher
At the beginning of each school year, do you take the time to meet your child’s teacher and discuss goals? Before you assume teachers know everything that should be happening and just aren’t implementing them, have a friendly talk with them. Schools never told me who had an IEP in my class, who got services, who was supposed to leave at any point in the day, nothing. They’d watch me request interventions and information for months before someone would casually point out that the student had an old IEP.
All you have to do is introduce yourself in a friendly way, ask if he or she is familiar with your child’s situation, and if you can sit down and talk about it sometime. It’s so much better than your first conversation being a disciplinary phone call home or worse yet the result of your frustration!
And Sometimes It Is The Teacher
I’m unfortunately not shocked at those videos that are popping up online of autistic students being hit by teachers and caretakers. It happens to so many of us, and it happened to me when I was young, though not at school. Often the abuser will lie about what they’re doing to justify their actions. I knew several teachers who were open about hitting students and they would tell me “Oh his mom told me I could, it’s okay.” No, I’m sure she didn’t and it’s NOT okay.
You’d think a school’s administration would be outraged by this, but the principals at these schools actually preferred the teachers who hit students. The teachers got special privileges and power because principals could send any child to that teacher for a beating.
When they’re not actually hitting the students, schools are still afraid to report abuse. A student confided in me that he was being beat at home, but the counselor put pressure on me not to report it to CPS because she didn’t want to deal with the parents.
It’s very important to have a system where your autistic child can communicate to you that someone is hurting them. That other person may try to convince them that you said it was okay, that they do it out of love or concern or to make them not an animal, or that to tell anyone else would be to betray their secret (all things said to me when I was a child). Often when a child tries to avoid a person or place, or experiences physical symptoms it can be their way of saying something they can never vocalize. They need to know that it’s not their fault, they don’t need to keep anyone’s secrets, and there is never anything in their life they did that made them so bad that the only love they deserve is pain.
Why Closed Captioning Isn’t Just for Deaf People
Thanks to the excellent advice of Codeman38, closed captioning is one of the most helpful discoveries I’ve made. I didn’t even know until recently that you could get closed captioning on any TV show just by turning it on in your cable settings!
For a long time, my husband and I have been really frustrated by the ratio of how much we paid for cable to how little TV we watched. And then, oh my god, I discovered CC. I could finally read TV instead of just watching or listening to it – what a revelation!
See, following a conversation is pretty complicated.
1. You have to be able to hear what’s going on.
2. There’s also the assumption that the language being spoken is one you understand.
3. There’s the question of whether you can parse the words correctly, or tell where they begin and end. And that has to happen in real time unless you want to be mentally playing back your “recordings” and missing new ones.
4. Do the utterances have meaning to you?
5. And can you remember everything you’ve just heard?
Yes? That’s great. But…can you do all that and fit it into a social and emotional context too?
When there’s a glitch at any point in this process, a person can have a really hard time following speech or conversations. In the end it has social ramifications and I’ve gotten used to looking kind of dumb in social situations because it’s not realistic for everyone to pause for as long as it takes me to replay their utterances and then process them. Some days I’ll go with sweet but dumb, some days I’ll go with aloof. I can’t watch TV shows with a lot of speech and intense social situations, especially when they’re heavily dialogue-based. Too often the plot will hinge on an important line or joke that I’ll never fail to miss.
(This is not because I’m Asian! Too many people assume English is my second language so they’ll start gesturing wildly or not even talk to me, until I open my mouth and put them to shame.)
But now that I have closed captioning, a whole new world has been opened up to me. I’m able to read very quickly and process several words at once, so I can keep up pretty well with dialogue. I wish I had closed captioning for everything everyone said in real life; maybe I wouldn’t feel so stupid every time I had conversations with people.
The captioning system isn’t perfect yet; often there’s a delay between the speech and the text, and sometimes the spelling is downright atrocious. I hope this will be changed soon, along with people’s negative stereotypes about closed captioning. Someone once came over to my home and asked mockingly if a deaf person lived there because of the captioning. I was so mortified that I could find no words to explain.
I’d highly recommend giving closed captioning a try – it’s much easier to set up on cable than you’d think. And if you’re making a YouTube video, maybe you’ll consider adding captions because there are so many people with invisible disabilities out there who need that text badly.
Learning How to Show Support
My husband ran his first half-marathon yesterday, which kind of made me the family cheerleader. I don’t remember him asking me to do anything special for his race…he’s very low-key. So it’s a good thing I knew enough about running to make pasta the night before and scout out a few spots on the race course where I could stand and cheer him on.
What I didn’t want to do was screw up the way I did last year, when my friend ran the same race and I did absolutely nothing besides show up at the finish line. When I saw how far other runners’ supporters were going to encourage them, I realized just how much I could have done to show my friend that I cared. It would have been as simple as asking her or any other runner what people usually do.
It’s like that with so many little things. I’ll realize years later that I’ve missed an opportunity to be a good friend, while everyone else seemed to just get it.
Were they mind readers? What is it that people expect us to just know that they want? What does “showing support” for someone mean?
Once in a while I’ll experience something firsthand and finally understand what I haven’t been doing for other people. Or I’ll ask someone how something makes them feel to get more insight into what they’d like me to do about it. I know someone who used to ask that all the time – “How do you feel about that?” It baffled me until I realized that she didn’t want to make assumptions about how other people felt.
If I still don’t understand what they need from me, I might just ask what I can do to help. I find that even if I sound silly, it usually works out a whole lot better than the alternative, which is to not do anything at all.
Lessons Learned From The September Issue
Over the weekend I watched The September Issue, a documentary about Anna Wintour and her role as editor-in-chief of Vogue magazine. For the uninitiated, Anna Wintour is notorious for being unbelievably powerful in her industry and also for her “Ice Woman” reputation.
Despite what other reviewers thought of her, I found her to be someone I could look up to and learn a few lessons from. As an aspie I’m told to pursue my talents, yet as a woman I’m expected to mind others’ feelings. What I like about Anna Wintour is that she’s not afraid at all to go after what she knows she’s good at, regardless of what anyone says about her.
Lesson 1: She’s not afraid to be good at what she does.
Too often we are given reasons to hold back our talents. It might make someone else feel inadequate, so we don’t want to hurt their feelings. Can you believe that over time I’ve learned to add grammatical errors to my writing? People seem to find it more relatable, but it makes me feel like I’m giving up a piece of my soul.
Anna, on the other hand, knows her talents and isn’t afraid to use them. She understands that her job is to protect the brand and promote an industry by selecting only the best work, so that’s what she stays focused on. She sets the bar high for her employees and will cut as many pages as she needs to in order to create the product she has in mind. Without a doubt this causes a lot of hand-wringing and upset among the employees, but when you separate their emotions from the situation you can see how talented she is and how much better the end product is because of her.
Learned: Stay focused on your passions and don’t compromise yourself.
Lesson 2: She’s unapologetic about who she is but gives credit to those who are different from her.
While reviewers are taking this opportunity to indulge in some good old-fashioned Anna-bashing, they’re singing the praises of the magazine’s creative director, Grace Coddington. For all of Anna’s precision and terseness, Grace envelops you in sentiment. Personally, I got the impression that it might require a full-time job just to put up with Grace’s whining. But…I say whiny, you say “warm and languid“.
Anna is careful to praise Grace’s talent and credit her influence while acknowledging their differences. Who knows what she really thinks or if this is what she does IRL, but she’s figured out that when it really counts (like when a film crew is following her) it’s important to show an appreciation for the way different personalities and talents work together.
Learned: Show an appreciation for the diverse roles people play in your life.
(Sidebar: Yes, I did use the words “aspie” and “talents”. You can feel free to substitute the word “autistic” in there. Anyone can have passions, and everyone has something they do best.)
Guest Post: Picking Our Teams
On Wednesday we read Michael’s inspiring story about how rewarding it can be to find the perfect employment match. Ike Dealey has been working hard to create a company in the US that would also focus on highlighting the talents of employees on the spectrum. You might remember reading about Autlabs in a post from a few months ago, and I’m so glad he’s finally here to tell the story in his own words.
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. ”
This is one of the most profound statements in our history. It’s an ideal worthy of our commitment. In practice however, we as Americans haven’t always abided by the principals set forth by our founders. It doesn’t say “white men” or “able bodied men”; it says “all men”. Throughout the history of our nation we’ve seen slavery, Jim Crow, women’s suffrage and hate crimes against those in the GLBT community. Although we’re grateful that Jim Crow is gone and slavery nearly so, we have yet to achieve true equality for any of these groups. We’re still working to ease racial tensions, to close the salary gap for both blacks and women and to secure equal rights for our GLBT brothers and sisters.
Imagine what it would be like to be a small part of bringing real change to the daily lives of all those affected by autism or other disabilities. Today there is a giant employment gap for people with disabilities. It is our responsibility to close this gap. Just as it required dedication and commitment to bring women the vote and to end Jim Crow, it will not be easy; however, what is the cost of doing nothing? Don’t you want to say, “I make a difference”?
When I created the AutLabs website several months ago, I knew it would be hard. I didn’t choose to do it because I thought it would be easy, I chose to do it because I can’t sit idly by while injustice is done to the people in my community. If we see injustice and we do nothing, are we not equally responsible? As I’ve forged ahead with this project, I’ve discovered that I am not alone; we are not alone. You have shown me that there is a great movement of people eager to help create jobs for people with Autism and Asperger Syndrome, you only needed someone to point the way. Together we are solving the employment challenge. If you’d like to know more about how we’re meeting this challenge, please read our new article Picking Our Teams (pdf).
Guest Post: Being Employed With Aspergers Syndrome
Michael Drejer lives in Denmark and works for BOAS Specialister, formerly known as Specialisterne. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know Michael, not just as a fellow aspie, but as a person. When you talk to him, it quickly becomes clear that he’s blossomed since his diagnosis into someone who has figured out what adaptations are needed to live independently and successfully with Aspergers.
When I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome in 2003 at the age of 25, I had already pretty much given up hope of ever finding and getting a job that was right for me. All I had to show for my job skills was a high school diploma with a lousy grade average, and a few exams which I barely passed when I tried studying to become a school teacher and when I tried getting a bachelor degree in English at the university, neither of which I finished.
Apparently it is difficult for people with Asperger’s Syndrome to get a job or keeping a job, which was exactly what I had experienced as well. Fortunately, it does not have to be like that. In fact, hiring aspies for certain niche jobs can be of a great mutual advantage both for the aspie and for the company hiring.
I found such a job, through complete and unbelievable luck by reading an article about it in a local newspaper.
I started out in a 5-month trial period, where I was given assignments that were designed to expose my strengths and weaknesses regarding my work skills. Doing follow-ups on assignments was important and also discovering what sort of work environment was optimal for me. Personally I prefer to work in a room without any direct, bright light, and I don’t like to sit with my back towards a door or where people can look over my shoulder. These things make me really uncomfortable and distract me from my work.
On Fall and Change
I woke up at some point over the weekend and it was fall. The light started to take on a frosty diffused quality, and I bought these pumpkin-on-a-stick branches from the farmers market. (pictured on left)
Most people will tell you they like spring or summer because they crave the warmth and sunshine, but I’m looking forward to fall. Bring on the melancholy and bundling up!
Another change I’m looking forward to is one I’m making on my own. Lately I’ve been feeling like a victim in my neighborhood, and that just isn’t working for me anymore. People have been cursing at me and making racist comments – perfect strangers, all unprovoked. Even if you’re not a minority, you might know how it feels to be tormented for being different as an aspie.
A fellow aspie suggested discouraging the harassment by holding my head up high whenever I go out, and yeah it totally worked! I’m not talking about literally holding my head up. I mean exuding confidence by embracing my inner self instead of worrying about how polished and perfect I could look, just to impress a bunch of women who will never give me the time of day anyways.
While we’re on the topic of change, I’m excited to tell you that I have two guest bloggers this week writing about what could be done to change employment for adults on the spectrum.